Coffee drinks with friends are usually the best kinds of coffee drinks!
Life: Saturday Afternoon Coffee
Book (Manhwa): The Tyrant Wants to Be Good by Ramguel, KAKON
The Tyrant Wants to Be Good
by Ramguel, KAKON
published by Webtoon (80 chapters so far, ongoing)
2023 – present
Dorothea Millanaire had a rough life, but once she murdered her sweet-but-hapless brother to become the empress, she was certain things would go her way.
Consistent with the rest of her sad life to that point, however, things did not go her way at all. When her most loyal supporter offered to save her at her execution, she turned him down – she was too heartbroken to continue living.
Dorothea doesn’t take it well when she wakes up AS A BABY VERSION OF HERSELF. A pissed off, world-weary baby. Oh, the indignity of being snuggled by the toddler version of her doting older brother (whom she had murdered in adulthood in her prior life!)!!
Yes, this is yet another second chance novel, but the first one I’ve read in which the protagonist TRULY has to start life over – all the way over – IN INFANCY. With the full guilt of her misdeeds weighing upon her memory-filled mind, there is a poignant mix of humor (a frustrated toddler isn’t strong enough to kill people whom she believes deserve it), frustration (she is a neglected and unloved daughter again), frivolity (classic younger sister chafing at her clingy older brother feelings), and sadness (six-year-old Dorothea looking at the child-version of her past-life-dead-husband with such profound, age-inappropriate despair that he is haunted by it).
Unlike other second-chance stories, Dorothea isn’t especially determined to survive this life. She feels she must make amends, but expects no rewards, and still doesn’t feel she belongs. Her father still treats her with contempt, she is still mocked in society for not having <the superficial sign of power that her family uses to justify its authority>, and she chooses to hold her prior-life’s love at a mournful, adult-arm’s-length distance, even though this version of him appears sincerely fond of her. The same society that punished Empress Dorothea for trying to end dangerous child labor is going to punish this younger, non-empress version of her for the same efforts, proving it is hard to be good in a society that is so bad.
The difference in this go-round is that she has a handful of people who love her. Including one who loves her so much, he would support her in violently taking the throne AGAIN.
I started reading on a lark to see a vengeful baby with adult memories, but am now 80 chapters in, and the characters have aged into legal adults. This is another tale of a neglected child attempting to break a cycle of violence in a cruel, feudal world of extreme poverty and lavish palaces, in which the power of chosen-family love might not be enough to save anyone.
Life: Lovely, Tiring Week
Tuesday at Sunrise
Weblog by A. Elizabeth Graves. iPhone photography and links to science-y and foodie topics.
Oh, it’s been so lovely this week.
This week featured the soupiest, most dramatic fog.
The warmest, glowiest sunrise. (Yes, I may be making up words.)
Delightful conversations with people who are fun and talented at conversation, so that interacting with them felt so natural. The kinds of conversations that leave you smiling and feeling a little sunnier. (Sunnier a real word.)
My only regret is that I’ve been wreck on days when I’ve run live training for large groups. Interacting with so many people (and then continuing on to have a full day of meetings) just… EMPTIES me. And then I am mentally just pudding in human form, and can’t respond properly to others. I feel rude toward people who reasonably expect me to engage, but who don’t know that I’ve already given out all the communication I had in me.
I feel like I should wear a vest similar to the ones that service and police dogs wear that says “DO NOT PET.” I said similar – I’m not that size. (Also, I wouldn’t use that label, because there are people I know who might hassle me whenever I’m not wearing it.) The phrases I would use to both apologize and ask people to be gentle with me are all too long to put on a reasonably-sized patch, however.
If you know me: I appreciate your patience as I reboot.
Life: Easily Distracted
I’m sure I logged on for some reason, but somehow I just spent time playing a Google Doodle game in which I am a kernel of popcorn trying not to be popped, and it is making me feel like someone used the ‘brain bleach’ on me without my knowledge…
Music: Listening to Music Issued Recently
I listen to a lot of web radio. The music of my niche downtempo stations washes over me, provides a soundtrack to my life, and tips me off to artists I might want to hear more of.
I am not always aware of how recently music was issued: there’s a mix of retro and current music blended seamlessly by talented DJs, so I haven’t actively pursued ‘keeping up’ with new releases or distinguishing new-to-me music from actually-new-music. But it turns out that I am keeping up a bit, thanks to web radio. (A new colleague recently recommended a station playing 1980s-1990s music, and I told him I’m trying to focus on music released after 2010 now, which just made him laugh.)
I went into my phone’s music app to look at what they deem new & popular (selling well). I was shocked that I recognize and enjoy some of the songs.
How did that even happen? I think Antennae Bayern – Chillout (https://www.antenne.de/webradio/chillout) has worked many of these songs into my head without me noticing.
Here are three that I was surprised to recognize (and have purchased).
Hozier: Too Sweet (from the 2024 album, “Unheard”)
There is something about the simplicity of the guitar lines that hooks me. It’s a very satisfying song. (Also: do not date the protagonist of this song: he will always be hung over, will criticize your delicious green juice, and you’ll have to drive him to too many medical appointments later in life.)
Teddy Swims: the Door (from the 2023 album, “I’ve Tried Everything by Therapy, Pt. 1”)
Gospel-ly, danceable, singable in the shower. I could not have guessed his appearance (friendly neighborhood bear with even more tattoos). Lose Control from last year is also familiar to me.
Myles Smith: Stargazing (Take My Heart Don’t Break It) (2024)
Upbeat and cheerful.
It is so encouraging to listen to music that is enjoyable to me and succeeding – despite the fact that I like it!
Language Study: Hiragana
I had to ice my arm, but I do think starting over beginner-level practice in writing hiragana (one of the Japanese phonetic alphabets) will help me with my language study.
My recent studies remind me too much of what I do NOT remember, while I disregard things that I recall as ‘easy.’ (Yes, I am a terrible self-critic.) Yes, I do want to get back to a ‘decent tourist who can read a little’ skillset!! And perhaps even to have my niche art supply vocabulary back, which has served me so well in museums during my other travels.
It is exciting to have a trip planned to Japan. It’s also fun to speak regularly with the colleague who encouraged/coerced me into booking my trip. Our meetings on other topics eventually (or immediately) turn to sharing what he most liked during his recent visit, and I share what I plan to see and do during my upcoming 3rd visit to the country. The venn diagram of these things are two minimally overlapping circles, but the differences sound fun, so we are each developing lists of things to do on our NEXT trip. We are basically providing each other an encouraging feedback loop of fun things, and I joke that we will each have to go annually to cover all of this delight.
I could see that being a happy habit!
But meanwhile, I’ll study fiendishly.
Tea: Almond Milk Matcha Latte
I stayed in bed until after 9am, and I’m still astounded at how it feels to be RESTED.
I’m also a little concerned that this feeling is so novel.
And how quickly lunchtime arrived…
Writing: Postscript to Fountain Pens (Chemical Rainbow Theme)
I want to show off the silvery sheen of this ink a little more, from when I wrote another letter earlier this morning:
The letter (in German) is about ordinary moments of joy: laughing with friends, enjoying the quiet of a Sunday morning, drinking fancy espresso drinks with my commute girlfriends…
I note that I enjoy such ordinary moments while I travel also, and that a favorite moment from a trip to Japan was appreciating a lovingly drawn carrot with luxuriant greens. Someone spent real time on drawing and painting it in their sketchbook (not as a final wall painting to impress others, but just a lightly colored sketch in their own sketchbook for themselves). It was made with such affectionate attention that I remain moved by the memory of it to this day. Anyone who chooses to invest hours in drawing the little lateral dimples and soft irregular greens of a fresh carrot is living life deeply in the present moment, and I can learn from that.
I like this ink, and if I let the pen sit for a bit, I can also achieve ombre effects over a page, as my writing gradually turns from black to silver. That’s nice.
Writing: Fountain Pens (Chemical Rainbow Theme)
I’ve been waiting to enjoy this special pen for a day when my writing arm isn’t sore. That day hasn’t come, so I decided to stop waiting and write anyway, with soothing ice pack breaks relieving my arm of its internal swelling.
My writing sample isn’t the best here – I’ve waited weeks to hold a real pen again – but this Monteverde “Innova Formula M Fountain Pen – Lightning (Limited Edition)” pen provides a smooth, pleasant writing experience. The ink’s silvery sheen is pleasant. It has some special wetting agents that made it feather on my usual papers (and I thought nothing could feather on Tomoe River!), but works well on ordinary paper. I like the softness of this black. It makes me think of my well-washed, favorite black denim jeans, but more metallic. (This gives me ideas of special effects I might like in my denim if this didn’t make them less soft...)
As the writing sample notes, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this time of year, especially for food reasons, but also because of the delivery of dramatic skies. Oh, how I love them – they make mornings so moody, and sunsets so colorful…
I look forward to using this pen-ink combination on other papers for long writing sessions.
Music: Theme Music For Godzilla and/or Giant Robot Fights
While trying to choose other theme music for myself, while pondering whether Amon Tobin‘s Slowly describes me specifically enough or merely described the way the bay looked on this particular morning, I listened to Four Ton Mantis (on the album Supermodified (2000, Ninja Tune)).
Oh my gosh.
I once wrote a screenplay for a wordless film for this song. About Godzilla. Waking up, and then destroying a city. And settling in for a nap, after having a butterfly land on his nose. There were timestamps for various scenes, aligned with the music. (I posted this work to the writing group section of a dating site (!!), and my posts there somehow led to a fun, four-year relationship with another writer, though this is not an obvious outcome to such writing. [muffled question] What? [muffled question off camera] No, he wasn’t scared away by this. [muffled sound off camera] Well, “normal” people can be a bit dull…)
Anyway, it’s a great song. If I were to put on a robot suit and stage a fight with another woman (who is also in a robot suit) in a scale model of NeoTokyo, this could be the soundtrack to that fight. Or we could wear giant robot suits and fight in actual NeoTokyo, if that would be easier to film, but I don’t think we could get insurance. (Yes, I am thinking of Iczer One, and no, you can’t stop me.)
(I would link to media of Four Ton Mantis, but it isn’t visible on the iTunes version of the album currently available (even though it is on my phone), and the album version isn’t available on YouTube. The remixes give the song a different character entirely, though they are also fun – they just have less of a giant-robot-suit-fight-music character.)