I’ve invited some long-time friends to dine with me, but don’t want to pressure them to attend. Long time friends can always decline – we’ve known each other forever, after all – and I’ve invited them to say they aren’t in the mood if that is true. Historically, some of them won’t decline, but then bounce during the event, or agree to attend, but cancel at the last moment, which is less fun.
To prevent bouncing and bailing, I’ve invented a list of excuses they may use at any time with me, which I will accept without challenge. This list includes:
- attending an appointment for plastic surgery (giving or receiving)
- having tires rotated (must pretend to own car)
- entertaining out of town guests
- filming porn
- engaging in crimes on behalf of the Republican National Committee
- washing hair (must not be bald)
- having hair cut (same)
- cutting hair for others
- attending pet therapy.
I hope to update this list seasonally, so none of the excuses become worn out.