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Tuesday, June 10, 2008


The Romance That Is In Vitro Fertilization.

One of my former law firm colleagues is ready to have another baby, and since her spouse had banked some of his genetic material before being treated for testicular cancer, this means another trip to the fertility clinic.

Strangely, one of my colleagues decided this is a romantic plan.

As is typical, I decided to interpret my perception of the romance. As with many of my more lengthy humor commentaries, I did not expect to receive any reply to my message. (Sometimes, months or years later, my friends tell me how witty the message was. More often, no one remarks. In the good old days, my girlfriends would come to my [law office] office door, bow down, and repeat 'we are not worthy!' until I laughed. Ah, the good ol' days.)

My commentary:
His eyes drifted longingly over her loose-fitting hospital gown. He wished she was wearing the one with little hearts on it, instead of the blue one. Though the blue one did seem to bring out something exciting in her eyes. There was a Hallmark poster of lit candles on the wall above the sink and beside the rubber glove dispenser. "Darling?"

"Yes?" She said, suggestively putting both feet in the gynecology stirrups.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes!" She said breathily, with zeal, as he carefully revealed an enormous… test tube. It sparkled in the bright, fluorescent lighting of the fertility clinic. "I am SO ready!"

All fifteen of the attending staff at the clinic then entered the room, as Frank Sinatra wafted in through the PA system.

Much to my surprise, the hopeful mother-to-be said my assessment of the romance level is pretty close to her experience.

I would feel vindicated if I weren't slightly alarmed.

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posted by Arlene (Beth)9:32 PM

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

  Archives. Yes, I know that Blogger isn't posting links to the monthly archive versions of the blog. I don't know why. I think it's having too much fun producing individual pages for each new label or tag for the post. I'll fix that manually, if I can persuade myself to not add anything unnecessary, like a highlights summary, or wav files of my stomach growling. Or non sequiters...

Yes, the rumors are true: I am thinking of reposting my content here from the late 1990s and early 2000s. But every time I think I should, I realize that it all looks really good where it is at If you use the Wayback Machine, which has 85 BILLION pages stored up, and look up "" (because you have it memorized and have been pining for it ever since I changed hosts and servers), not one, not two, but SIX versions of my old website, the Teahouse for the Contemplation of Enchiladas ( come up. And, somehow, despite my completely 'let's see what this does' approach to HTML, many of them look pretty good. Some decidedly do not look good as anything but minimalist art, especially within the enchilada recipe sections, where they are white-on-white because of my ingenious (not) way of using half-toned images as backgrounds. But the kind folks there have induced some sort of forgiveness-of-my-lameness algorithm, and most of the pages are readable. And look decent, for their era.

Even the pages documenting my Nepal trek are there. So you can read entries with names like "Sam Ten Detching Choling to Tubten Choling: Enough Syllables to Start a New Monastery."

I even have an archive. In the archive. Which is... SO self-referential.

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posted by Arlene (Beth)10:35 PM

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